I Didn't Barf For a Good Cause

Approximately 1500 calories and about 80 grams of fat, that’s the accumulation of six hot dogs plus buns, with only a pitcher of dipping water for condiment that this afternoon I devoured in seven very long, steamy, noxious, punishing minutes.

I took a bite of a seventh, but its taste was just so putrid. To anyone else it probably would’ve been fine, but to me it was a tepid and rubbery bar of concentrated beef-and-stuff juice.

With meat sweats beading on my brow, and with time left being counted in seconds, I spat that final mouthful of skinless all-beef Boar’s Head Frank into a bucket already filled to the two-inch mark with regurgitated wiener. Frankly, the mixture blended together disgustingly perfect.

Anyway, after 10 days of training (last week I could only finish four in seven) that was all I could do. At the Third Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest at Leo’s Restaurant, a benefit event that raised a still undetermined amount for the Special Olympics, out of six contestants I placed fourth.

It wasn’t good weather for overindulgence. The air was slippery since a storm blew through about an hour before leaving a steam bath in its wake. And the contest went off in haste since another electric storm was audibly closing in.

That didn’t deter Fred Colgan, eating under the name “Sugafree,” who for the first time took the trophy with 10 dogs consumed.

He could barely speak at the end, succinctly describing the feeling as “full, very full.”

The previous champion, John Artes, who last year ate 14 in seven minutes and then to break a tie ate another three in 10, placed second this year with nine.

There was some protest, complaints the franks were a little bigger this time, a point Leo’s owner Bob Moniz conceded. But this wasn’t Coney Island, and nobody came close to world-class competitive eaters Joey Chestnut (official record holder with 68 dogs in 10 minutes) or Takeru Kobayashi (unofficial but actual record holder with 69 dogs in 10 minutes.) It was simply a good way to raise good money for a good thing.

“This is a fast, fun way to raise money for a good cause, and to have a couple of laughs,” said Mr. Moniz. “The winner goes away just as happy as the guy who eats only one.”

Nobody ate only one, though one ate only three. One young man, “Big Red Dog,” put down eight before he turned green, and I don’t mean with envy.

Unfortunately, the rules say “visible sickness” is grounds for disqualification. And his sickness was quite visible, and elicited a uniform roar from the dozens in attendance.

As for the runner up, who also helped organize the benefit, he promises to come back next year for what was once his.

“He doesn’t stand a chance,” said the Meat Train of Sugafree. “I’ll be training all year.”

Of course, so will I.