My Oscar Round-Up 2013

AMOUR: French for love, as Stevie Wonder once taught us. Arguably the first movie ever to take place in Paris but hasn't one shot of the Eiffel Tower. It could've been anywhere, amour knows no geography or age. Low budget high acting. Romantic and tragic. Heartwarming and heartbreaking. Old lady nudity. 

ARGO: Don't be a hater, Ben Affleck is good and somehow did a movie not as a reinvented Boston street tough. The tone is basically perfect. Alan Arkin and John Goodman are funny. Subject to criticism because the film's not quite historically accurate, or so read an article in No Shitmagazine.  

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD: Where the Beasts of the Southern Wild Things Are. Imagine if  Spike Lee and the late Maurice Sendak were to write a movie together...Ta-Dah.  

DJANGO UNCHAINED: Like "Inglorious Basterds" did the WWII genre, the American Western gets the Quentin Tarantino treatment. Like "Inglorious Basterds" Christoph Waltz is awesome. Characteristically exaggerated but to a fault, so ought to be seen as the year's second best slavery film. The incessant use of racial epithets has garnered much attention, but that's part of Tarantino's morbid fascination with the you-know-what word. More off-putting is Sam Jackson's inability to drop "motherfucker" from his vocabulary, perhaps the most glaring of all 2012's historical inaccuracies.  

LES MISERABLES: Only one I missed, but I saw the play when I was 11 or 12. Probably doesn't count. 

LIFE OF PI: "The book was better," says any pompous ass. I read the book, one wasn't superior to the other. Even in two dimensions was visually stunning. A captivating story of survival with special effects that are nuanced and believable. Michael Bay pay attention, Ang Lee has something to show you.  

LINCOLN: Our 16th and maybe best President was a total hayseed, by Daniel Day-Lewis's portrayal. More soft-spoken than stoic, not the Lincoln you imagine. Probably a reflection of Day-Lewis himself, or so I got after a Q&A with the method actor. Sorry, had to throw that in. Anyway, all bitter white guys hellbent on secession see this movie. 

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK: Nominated in all six major categories and with good reason. Nothing intimidates Jennifer Lawrence, not even a face off with Robert DeNiro. Since Sandy Hook put mental health treatment in the national conversation, this movie is the most poignant. Excellent blend of humor and agony, pro football and modern dance. My favorite not of the year but of the nominees.

ZERO DARK THIRTY: Torture works, kind of sort of. Controversial practices were granted too much press. Torture, or "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques," may work sometimes but will come at a high price always. Unfortunately overlooked was the humanity of never-referred-to-by-name Navy SEAL Team Six. They're the ones you want on your dodgeball team. Subject to criticism because the film's not quite methodologically accurate, or so read an article in No Shit magazine.